Everyone says that when you have children your whole life changes. The hospital gives you a bunch of papers on how to care for you and your new child. But they neglect to include one important thing. They need to include a pamphlet that describes how one little tiny human being will run around your house, stealing, breaking and destroying all your stuff?
When you come home from the hospital you are high on the new baby hormones. All that you see is a cute little, helpless human that depends on you and needs you. You aren’t thinking about the future. Fast forward to a little over a year. You’re frustrated. Anything breakable in your house is in little tiny pieces. Walls are covered with hieroglyphics drawn with crayons and markers. You leave your kid alone to play for a few moments and hear silence. The panic then starts to set in because you know disaster awaits you in the form of your child.
My first experience with this phenomena involved my daughter when she was 18 months old. We were moving into our new house and I had left her in the care of Mr P. when I made a quick trip up to the grocery store. I came back and Mr. P had dozed off. I couldn’t find A anywhere and it was very quiet. I went to Mr P and my room and my daughter came into view. She was sitting on the television that was on the floor. She was naked and mascara covered her face. Another of the memorable incidents that A has treated me to involved a 2 year old little girl trying to make a chocolate cake on her beige carpet. Needless to say that incident resulted in us having to cover her floor with laminate.
My son’s first experience with suspicious activity came around the same age. It was a hot summer day. I was in the house and my husband was mowing the yard. The G Man had somehow managed to push the screen out of his window. Before you knew it, he had made a break out through the window. Luckily, my husband was mowing the yard and a diapered G Man walked into his view.
My children have broken window screens. One time they thought it was funny to push pencils out the screen, resulting in gigantic holes. When I was in the hospital on bed rest before having little micro HP they stole and lost all of my jewelry. The list could go on and on.
My children are not the only ones. There are so many others out there in the same situation. But one of the most important things to remember when dealing with children is:
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then it is suspicious.